I realized I have a hard time being needed so much. This past weekend Z was really sick and clingy. He wanted to be held constantly, wanted me to sleep in his bed, couldn’t seem to let me out of his sight. It was exhausting, I admit it. They “A-Mummys” were constant and persistent as he would catch me losing focus on him. There just wasn’t enough of me for him. The fever finally broke yesterday and he’s better now with the warm weather. Right in time for me to go back to work.
I’ve been trying to play mindfully with him and fight through my distractions. I love when I lose myself in the play, in the building of blocks and the doing of puzzles, and forget all the things I “have” to do.
Yesterday was our First Day. The first day we could stay outside until dinner in the yard instead of stuck inside counting down the hours after nap and before dinner. I think the heat and fresh air healed him. Tomorrow, I will take Z to our local playground after school and play until dinnertime and let him get reacquainted with the toys and sand there.
I’m taking some baby steps twoard my goal of writing for the education market. I’ve applied for some jobs here and there and I’m working on designing a position for myself here that’s more conducive to that. It feels good to take these steps instead of thinking about taking steps and constantly daydreaming. This is the time. It is my own first day.